Counting Down to Christmas

A quick update while we have been fighting unjust and fraudulent actions of a third party with legal advice, NZ's Health and Disability Commission, https://www.hdc.org.nz/ the Privacy Commission, https://www.privacy.org.nz/ and advocate help. It is a nightmare to occur at the same time as income is tight with only enough "rent" to pay for flooded basement dwelling up to Christmas, enough money for food for another couple of weeks and notice to move but with no home options we can move to. All with the encroaching Christmas shutdown coming. Where from next week all the way near the end of Jan almost no services & business operate as normal, they often are on graveyard shift duties only or worse yet, full shutdown.

 

I feel an anger welling inside as this third party sought to manipulate and threaten hubby when they knew of his cognitive impairment and they were the ones in the position to manage his recovery. They perpetuated provably false information, doxed our private details online and added some provably false ones (that we have clear documents & NZ dept data to disprove it) and continue to lie even when clear proof is presented. Breaking the privacy act in NZ and their orgs code of conduct multiple times & in such a clear way breaking the core. They did this because they know both Daniel and I are too disabled to properly fight or even pick up on most of the breaches of code. It seems like these actions where any reasonable person would expect at least a reprimand, but in the industry they are in they may get a bonus for their efforts in abuse and disempowerment. They are rewarded for abuse of disabled people and thankfully our contact with the industry before was limited until now.

There is nothing my anger can do but wait, there is nothing I can do but maintain calm contact, get legal help, keep abreast of rights, reading past cases and legal reports, manage developments and look for a home. Somewhere, anywhere,... will we be able to afford somewhere? I have isolated hubby as much as I can so he can focus solely on his recovery, I try to keep him abreast of the main strokes but even a 5min chat can tank him and his memory is still quite bad, forgetting many things and appointments still. I can sacrifice my own energy, health and efforts but I too have been tanking more. It is severely depleting when I need to manage our finances, our lack of safe housing, our legal actions, my ME, the orthostatic issues, the emotional anger when someone you love has been manipulated and abused in such a way and a crippling depression that can occur when it becomes too much and I cannot yet see a way forward out of this. I don't know yet how to make it ahead.

I am a planner, I plan for likely eventualities in detail. In a way this innate desire to plan for things has saved my life so I let it continue now. In case of the hit by the bus effect, (tech term for having human redundancy when a critical staff member becomes ill), I plan to leave in a safe place for hubby my logons, bank details, investment details (inaccessible due to access restrictions by govt to wait for 65 years old), email and account logons, our files and documents sorted. Even getting him a copy of his files & notes he can access. I intend for him to have a copy of my medical stuff to reference, legal stuff like wills etc. Prepare. We are in a terrible storm, the security of our home was pulled long ago. We now have to fight our way through it as the storm threatens to pull us from the ground. I try to give hubby the best chance of us both as I know medically he has the best prognosis. He could recover soon, he could get medical help, he could improve where I cannot, (though not for lack of trying).  I therefore place myself as the sacrificial metal, to take on anything that may impede his recovery or fatigue him so that I corrode instead of him. I try to insulate him from tasks that are beyond his ability at the moment.  

Christmas does not exist in our home this year and will not for some time. We have not been able to contact family much at all due to the increased effort and energy expended in legal actions. We have had more days where neither of us can make food on a given day. Just as well there is at least one place that can deliver food we can eat sans allergens at night. In NZ just having one or two restaurant deliveries is lucky, most areas would have none that can deliver and cater for allergies & dietary restrictions. Hubby could barely even see family last Christmas and needed 2-3 days to recover from even a simple dinner. Now perhaps the dinner would not be as bad. We have been practicing having a family dinner and had a couple successes. I anticipate he might be able to have the same as last year, maybe go to one dinner, maybe not given the recent demands on his energy and ability.

 

There is a hope that after Christmas if we can pull through I might find us a home, hubby might be able to get to a part time role to help, and the wait lists for specialists I have been waiting on for years might actually result in an actual appointment and treatment. I suck at waiting, being powerless, being trapped. I need to be able to do something effective, even just mental preparation, reading fellow cases. Steeling myself for what is to come. I also need to defuse the energy and anger.   

If I don't laugh I would cry. If I don't see humour & hope I see only darkness.

Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy described the perils of bureaucracy and apathy well in humour. Terry Pratchett described the every man facing unnatural malice in humour. The Monty Pythons and Red Dwarf... they had vignettes and songs a plenty.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Pythons

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best

And, always look on the bright side of life (whistle)
Always look on the light side of life (whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing

And, always look on the bright side of life (whistle)
Come on!
Always look on the right side of life (whistle)

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow

So, always look on the bright side of death (whistle)
A-just before you draw your terminal breath (whistle)

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

...

I Don't Feel Like Dancing

No sir, no dancin' today.

 Older sneak capture by hubby of me kipping with a kitty back when we had a couch

A least I am not the only one curling up undercover these days. Our grey old lady Mudgie cat is good company and keeps up with the play. She's a lovely muesels who has lots to say. She is the most diverse communicative cat we've known. Her vocal range is quite big considering wild house cats barely meow and even our previous pets did not have such a range.

When we first got her she needed a home free of other cats, an especially calm environment and few people. Her two owners were leaving, one to LA, USA and one to a retirement home. She was petrified of builders or guys who looked like builders, or people with ladders. Every time someone new would come near the driveway she would run and hide and so I needed to help her with her fear. I would pat and calm her just before she bolted or afterwards, although it took over a year before she stopped being as afraid of new people. She would have the worse nightmares as well. Kitty dreams that would have her wake up petrified and angry. Sometimes jumping a foot into the air from sleep.  

Mudgie and her swanndri (NZ classic farming & bush shirt in plaid) 

She still likes to occasionally hide from builders & tradies when they come too close, but otherwise she will calmly sit where I am or sleep by me. Meows plaintively when I am gone looking around for me in a way hubby asserts sounds like him calling me too. Seems like she has adopted me as her primary human and in helping her with her fear I helped myself to adapt. I too had a fear of certain people coming to the house after an assault. I couldn't run and hide in a wardrobe or hole in the ground. So helping her face her very distinct fear I helped recover in part from my own. We were both a calm touchstone for each other. Now her in her heyday with kidney issues & weight loss and me with my illness we are helping each other again. She is keeping me company while I have a bad migraine. Even with the cat like yoga and cuddles.

I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters

Wake up in the morning with a head like 'What ya done?'

This used to be the life but I don't need another one

Good luck cuttin' nothin', carryin' on, you wear them gowns

So how come I feel so lonely when you're up gettin' down?

So I play along when I hear that favorite song

I'm gonna be the one who gets it right

You better know when you're swingin' 'round the room

Looks like magic's solely yours tonight

But I don't feel like dancin' when the old Joanna plays

My heart could take a chance, but my two feet can't find a way

You think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway

But I don't feel like dancin', no sir, no dancin' today

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Even if I find nothin' better to do

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Why'd you break it down when I'm not in the mood?

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Rather be home with no one if I can't get down with you...

Cities come and cities go just like the old empires

When all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile

You got so many colors make a blind man so confused

Then why can't I keep up when you're the only thing I lose?

So I'll just pretend that I know which way to bend

And I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're mine

Just please understand when I see you clap your hands

If you stick around I'm sure that you'll be fine

But I don't feel like dancin' when the old Joanna plays

My heart could take a chance, but my two feet can't find a way

You think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway

But I don't feel like dancin', no sir, no dancin' today

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Even if I find nothin' better to do

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Why'd you break it down when I'm not in the mood?

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Rather be home with no one if I can't get down with you...

You can't make me dance around

But your two-step makes my chest pound

Just lay me down

As you float away into the shimmer light...

But I don't feel like dancin' when the old Joanna plays

My heart could take a chance, but my two feet can't find a way

You think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway

But I don't feel like dancin', no sir, no dancin' today

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Even if I find nothin' better to do

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Why'd you break it down when I'm not in the mood?

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Rather be home with no one if I can't get down with you...

I don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Even if I find nothin' better to do

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Why'd you break it down when I'm not in the mood?

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'

Rather be home with no one if I can't get down with you...

Cooling Off the Calamity

Finances tight, losing home, partner stressing and angry, family drama, friends feuding, work projects stalling, debt collectors.  It can all feel like it is closing in sometimes.  Heavy clouds, lightning and thunder.  Yet when chronically ill it is vitally important to keep my own balance & health, to be an eye in the storm.  To look for solutions when I can, or to move with the storm when I cannot.  I can and must look forward and reduce the noise and drama spiralling around me.  I write this as another set of critical medical and financial supports hang in doubt and it may look like our lives are at another loose thread.  I write this not as a prescription but as a touchstone.

I do not need to avoid people and the world but to create a calm centre that cannot be hurt so that I can better help them and stay healthy.  Even when the worst of hubbies frustrations with his injuries spill over I can still be there to help him.  When we got hit by the truck and were still in shock days later I still had to get to work and carry on.  When family & friends drag us in to feuds and sides are being drawn I offer emotional support but do not engage with the drama.  If I was as ill as I am most days now those moments of drama do need to be reduced and the emotional output into them needs to be carefully controlled.

Imagine you have someone you love screaming and yelling on the other side of the door.  You know going into a room you will be subjected to insults and their expressions of frustration and pain, but they need you and are only doing so because they are at a moment of crisis.  So of course I go in to help but I need to remind myself that sometimes humans are more like hurt animals backed into a corner.  They say things because they are hurt and frustrated.  They can be their own worst enemies.  I let the words wash over and try to reduce the emotional overload.  I try to focus on the critical priorities.  Checking for serious injuries & damage control.  Is an ambulance needed?  How conscious is the person of their position?  Can they work their way out or do they need help?  Get into a safe recovery position or sitting up, help them restore emotional control.  Take rest breaks with arduous tasks e.g. offer a calming drink like a cup of tea and take a rest break before assessing whether standing was appropriate at that time.  Sleep to aid emotional stress recovery.  Tea has a well known calming & even caffeinated effect, but then each culture has their own equivalent calming drink to help steady the mind.

A UK ambulance similar to the NZ ones. Image by Owain Davies

For a while it was multiple times a week hubby would fall, have a concussion, get angry at himself, become critically depressed, or there would be a serious and taxing event.  These things were something I tried to help him through.  I would learn not to lose my own emotional control to an event, but to build up a sacrificial layer (like with metals & acidic waters).  One metal is more reactive to another so as a coating it gets eaten by acid first and thus there is less acid attacking the core metal.  Holding that core safe.  It is important to identify what effect some emotions & events have on me, to identify the reasons behind them and how to neutralise them.  When hubby was angry due to an injury he was more angry at himself and in pain even though shouts could be hurtful.  With repeated concussions the anger can spill over and likewise he would yell at himself to try to get adrenaline to stand up with help.  These are the sorts of cases where I could see his pain, even sometimes his depression and help.  I could clearly identify the emotion, the output, the reason behind it, the effect on myself and neutralise it.  Sure the some things would emotionally hurt, I would ache as well seeing someone I love in pain but this too can be recognised and understood so that the key priorities to resolve a situation are in the forefront.

Often hubby and I would have arguments, but then so does every couple under stress.  It is a key element to remember that.  If we did not argue on something we would not be different people, with varying views and emotions.  I love him with his view of the world and he loves me for mine.  We enjoy different things, we enjoy long discussions on concepts and events can have different emotional weights.  Often our arguments can even be about differing engineering and scientific approaches to take; life's little optimisations.  We could even argue on something we both agreed on but on the terminology used.  Not only that but for months with the brain injury even a simple dinner was so emotionally strenuous for hubby.  However for me my mind enjoys dinners with friends and family, they are not emotionally strenuous even while being very ill.  My body just seems to now act as a limiter, I cannot go past a certain level, time or manage to travel.  Differences can happen with family members & friends, each can act unaware of their effects on others during moments of stress.  The key I found was to identify the direction to move on in and move on.  If that person is too hurtful all the time, unapologetically so and without good reason, I create distance.  The paths people take can entwine and share the same space for a while but then they can branch out and diverge.  Part of the path of life.

A snapshot of blood on a kitchen floor. Except there were some stains and emotional effects that do not clean easily. Image by Eco Bear Biohazard Cleaning Company

Some family members & friends we had to create sufficient distance from for our own health.  One case particularly because they were causing epic levels of emotional and financial damage in our home and would not stop.  Creating multiple dramas which even at an arms length would hard to maintain calm in.  I remember coming into the kitchen one morning, seeing it covered with blood & spilt alcohol, something which was left and ignored until I stepped into it.  I often have a seizure unfortunately due to particularly bloody moments, even a small blood test.  But while I would support someone with help offering stable housing, listening, emotional support and assistance with getting medical support and counselling etc I could not countenance threats to other people of violence and would not support someone when they did not want to get better but drive further into addiction past the point of any return.  I would work on leaving on good terms, be cordial but manage expectations and identify clearly that we could not afford to continue, emotionally, physically, financially.  It is one thing to help someone out of self destruction, it is another to follow them into it.  I would always offer support in health to the point of my own detriment but I could not support & follow someone's journey into darkness.  Hubby and myself were fighting and struggling to keep our heads above water as it was.  Yet even while we tried our best we could not hold on without being dragged under as well.

I felt like I had failed at that point because I wanted to help but in the end could not.  In a situation such as that I could not help them if they did not want to help themselves.  It is also hard at that point for themselves to identify emotionally if they wanted help at all.

In comparison the outside dramas, bureaucracy and politics of the world can seem quite small and far away even though they can make critical differences to everyone's life.  They could in an instant change whether we have housing & income the next month, whether we can access medical care, to how long we can live for and what those future years are like.  When healthy we could spend time engaging more.  But now when ill we need to control & ration portions of mental energy to stay on top and engage where needed.  Engagement is difficult with a disability, that has always been a core problem.  But keeping emotions & energy in check is just as if not far more important.  Think of it like a bonsai tree or Japanese garden.  Everything in its place, controlled but it has nature's flexible expression look effortlessly driven.  It is looking and dipping toes in the water to do what is most needed and then returning to the calm centre in the chaos.  The clipping of a branch on the bonsai, letting another grow out, directing another to curl in a certain direction.

When just getting by day to day is hard, engaging with emotionally hyped people, with events and with the future can be difficult.  I try to portion a little visit into the storm to see where we are heading, engage but a little, but then I have to come back to the key goal of getting better.  This illness is by far the biggest impediment to our future.  I need to hold a mental space of calm, which sometimes can be aided by travelling to a physical space of calm or using sensory modulation.  Hubby too is recovering his mind space post injury and we look forward to picking what direction suits us both.  Even with our differences we want to share our paths together, even through the dips & swamps as much as the scenic spots.  It may feel like we have come upon some pretty big swamps already but there have been and certainly will be more peaks.

The Sea - Morcheeba

Flocking to the sea

Crowds of people wait for me

Sea gulls scavenge

Steal ice cream

Worries vanish

Within my dream

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living free

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living free

Fishing boats sail past the shore

No singing may-day any more

The sun is shining

The water's clear

Just you and I walk along the pier

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living free

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living free

A cool breeze flows but mind the wasp

Some get stung it's worth the cost

I'd love to stay

The city calls me home

More hassles fuss and lies on the phone

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living free

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living free

I left my soul there

Down by the sea

I lost control here

Living

Living

And I, living

By the sea

ME Group AGM, A Stumble, Followed by a Fall

Alright perhaps I did try too hard to go outside, I pushed.  I thought sitting down in a community hall for an hour would not be too bad.  It shouldn't be after all, sitting down for an hour listening to someone speak and then afterwards having some light snacks, with tea and coffee.  How mistaken I was.

 Charity helping Aucklanders with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) and/or Fibromyalgia

The ME CFS Auckland support AGM was a shared food event so hubby has made some amazing hummus and cauliflower and thyme purée with some common allergens removed so safer to eat for those like me.  I was so appreciative and proud of his skills I really wanted to share with others.  Hubby likes to give gifts of food made with love and for an event in NZ it is considered a good form of koha, a gift to hosts, (like a gold coin donation or wine etc).  I was going to share the beauty and flavour of hubbies cooking with some safe dipping food and listen to one of the more renown doctors around the condition of ME in NZ, Dr Rosamund Vallings, speak on medical updates and answer questions.  It feels silly now.  No one in the end got to try any of the food hubby made at all and I could barely listen. Trying so hard to focus on the words.  In the end the food was packed up with me to be taken back home.  In the later days hubby and I had to chip away at it all ourselves, er with chips.  I feel like I failed a lot.  Failed in the ability to give thanks to those running the event, failed to thank those who helped me and failed to network with fellow sufferers.

Sure I was a bit woozy, when I got there but I put that down to having to dress myself on the day and the journey out to the AGM.  I thought well since I had that walking cane to help with balance, and sitting down with rest & tea would not be so bad.  But no.  It got incredibly bad fast.  Too fast.  I felt like nausea incarnate, had incredible difficulty staying upright, pain, trouble standing, far too much trouble walking.  I could not speak normally, annoyingly.  I had to make whole sentences fit into two words.  Two words that would be drawn out and slurred, half muttered.  Some lovely ladies, who had experience with the illness (either themselves previously or more commonly had patients & family who had it), aided me in standing and getting into one of their cars parked right outside.  To collapse into the chair diagonally, then horizontally.  They drove me home early.

I felt so bad as I had taken them away from the event.  That hubby had put that effort in to share food with them.  I felt so grateful for help.  That I had not expected this quick descent would be an understatement.  It took days to recover.  Vision completely blurred, hands not working right, unable to make or carry food, ice pick through the eye migraines, infections, walking issues along with a couple falls at home, digestion messed up.  It was worse even a couple days after the event, then it was at the event.  I thought it would be fine to go outside.  I want to be able to go out with my grandparents one day near the end of the month to a small art gallery.  So I thought sitting in a small hall for an hour would be ok to work up to that.

In the end it was the getting dressed & journey which took a bad symptom day and made it worse.  The effects being so far away from my hopes.  Surely sitting down and listening for an hour or having a shower should be achievable.  So embarrassing, this illness.  Because the simple ability to sit & have a cup of tea, or do a 15 sec walk is an achievement.  Much like the joke Xbox achievements.  Sat up unaided, achievement.  Went to toilet, achievement.  Ate some food & drank fluids, achievement.  Listen to meditation music, achievement.  Write a couple of paragraphs, achievement. Read a simple page, achievement.  For most people they are a joke, but for me they are dead serious achievements.  I am fighting to keep going and struggling to do everything I can to be healthy.  Sure some days are limited to just those few achievements.  But I try everyday to do more.  I know I should not be so hard on myself but when your life is limited to just a handful of things, you too would be willing to risk a few more days of pain and suffering, not being able to do those things, for just one short moment of hope. 

Spoon theory applies for many illnesses. Image by the Dysautonomia International Org

Maybe later on I will recover enough to watch the talk.  But not this day or the other days I write this post.  Because it is a trade off (commonly known as the spoon theory, except I often have 6 spoons only and a shower costs me 5 spoons).  If I choose to do one thing like a shower I end up not being able to do something else like get dressed, & get food.  In fact a shower often takes practically all my other achievements away & requires recovery days.  Hence I cannot shower often.  Did I mention this illness was embarrassing.  If I watch the AGM talk of an hour I cannot read that day or write even a little.  I have to make a trade with such small achievements it feels like I am haggling with the universe.  Listening for 40mins knowing that you will lose the ability to speak sentences, is annoying.  It is not me.  It was not me before.  But I have to accept that is my body now.  Even though I struggle against the chains of illness that bind I have to recognise they are there.  Take a step back and take everyday as it comes.  Some days with more chains, some days with less.  Keep on haggling with the universe to lift a chain when it can.

At least it was really good hummus and purée with saltly healthy quinoa & chia seed chips.  Shown above was a big hummus related meal for the day.  The hummus was made with a touch of fresh orange zest & juice for a little sweetness as well as lemon & tahini.

Kiwi As Pets

It is no myth that pets are good for the soul & help relieve stress & isolation.  A long standing tradition is for humans to be empathetic & need some companionship, even if that companion is just waiting for you to feed them in the morning & night... no I am not talking about marriage.

Dan the goat man, from Purakaunui, takes his pet goat Alex around Potato Point to go camping.  Photo: Stephen Jaquiery, full article: Otago Daily Times  Alex Kidd the goat, has been house-trained, car-trained and boat-trained and to Dan not much different than owning a dog.  Often they will head out camping together or go on walks through the town.

NZ has a lot of sheep, they outnumber the population to a large degree to the point NZ often has the highest density of sheep per unit area in the world.  For 130 years, sheep farming was the country's most important agricultural industry, but it was overtaken by dairy farming in 1987.  So having sheep also as pets was a common tradition.  Lambs often display entertaining bouncing skills as they leap and frolic.  So giving them the opportunity to bounce some more & encouraging them with a large sheep sized trampoline is where they get to develop those skills to bouncy castle levels of glee.

The NZ police are increasing the furry fellows with some camera loving companions, including Snickers the cat who has his own instagram account.

As well as Tia who has joined the team in Porirua. Alternative article link: NZ Herald.

 

Who is stepping into big shoes as Constable Elliot, the police guinea pig commanded respect and love of the locals.  Quite appropriate as the police can have stressful jobs and often need to interact with the community they protect. It helps to have a furry greeting at the door.

Snickers manning the front desk.

There are animals you seek to protect & visit often but you do not own them and leave them to be wild but supported.  The Department of Conservation NZ, DoC, offers protection for a variety of native animals across NZ and keeps an eye and open live stream on the albatross nesting colony.

Rangers check the weight & health of the chicks, offer support in times of water stress and record new births to assess the colony health & numbers.  Albatross mothers & fathers take turns with feeding & on the nest with the chick until they are big enough to be on their own.  Shown above is Ranger Mike helping mother and chick cool down during a rather hot period as heat stress could kill them.

Then there are the times when you cannot have a pet, do not feel the need for one but an animal has chosen to attach itself to you as you may be the one needed.

How a duck fell in love with a bloke from Te Kuiti by Newshub

Paul has formed an unlikely bond with Pete the duck when the paradise shelduck laid eyes on him and decided he was the one.  "I don't know what it is, he's quite protective over me," he told The Project.  "If anyone else comes near me, particularly women, he has a go at them."  To which one of the presenters mentioned, "Paradise ducks, well known fact, mate for life. Paul face it, you are married".

It is these kinds of connections I save to show hubby, because humour and an occasional smile is also good for the soul.  So for a mental cuddle, here is how the relationship of one gay goose and a bisexual swan was the loving relationship of a lifetime.

Excerpt from the BBC article, (follow link for further info):
It all started around 1990 when a black swan named Henrietta flew in to the Waimanu lagoon, located in a small town on New Zealand's Kapiti Coast.  Due to a damaged wing, she was unable to fly with the other swans and was often alone until a few years later when a white goose named Thomas arrived.  The duo quickly formed a bond and Thomas was very protective of Henrietta, even scaring off any humans or dogs that came near her.  But after 18 blissful years together, a new young female swan entered the equation and was often spotted with Henrietta. No one thought much of it, assuming that they were both females.  The shocker came when the new swan laid an egg. It turned out that Henrietta was in fact a male swan who had mated with the new female swan.
"It's very hard to establish the gender of mature black swans," said Michael Peryer, the tour guide at the Waikanae Estuary where the lagoon is located.  "So it turned out in fact that Thomas and Henrietta - who was really a Henry - had 18 happy gay years together."  They stayed together for many years after that and Thomas helped raise the signets.  Only when Henry died did Thomas go on to have his own offspring with another goose and when Thomas died he was buried beside his Henry.

 

  BBC Article on Thomas, Henry and Henrietta

Tribute to Thomas life, epitaph by New Zealand performer Pinky Agnew inscribed on his tombstone:

Here lies Thomas, the great-hearted goose,

Nestled near Henry, in their final roost,

Here where they raised young, and found sanctuary,

Somewhere above us, these great souls fly free.