All Shagged Out While Feeding the Eels

Pied Shag with the NZ guide providing recording of male adults

Still wanting to be able to work up to a afternoon with the grandfolks I endeavoured to try more time out for a bit.  An opportunity presented itself when Mum dropped by some freshly caught snapper & kahawai, (from a celebratory work trip), two common NZ staple fish with strong distinct flavours.  Kahawai is more commonly smoked while snapper is used for the classic non battered fish & chips.  We were lucky with the portion of kahawai Mum shared with us already having been gutted & bled on the trip.  Which left the snapper to be gutted & filleted at home.

Tasty snapper, chilli lemon pesto and 'chips'

Hubby worked out a grand plan to crumb bite size pieces of kahawai with chana, (chickpea) flour, fresh sage and orange zest.  So post filleting he crumbed and fried the kahawai to eat that night, (as it normally does not keep well hence it is more often smoked).  While we could have some snapper in later days.  We kept the guts, skin etc to feed to the local longfin eels in the nearby creeks and ponds, (much like feeding the ducks except you are less likely to get bitten with eels).  Hubby prepared a lovely herb, lemon zest, ginger and chilli pesto to sit on top of the cooked snapper and we swapped chips for green long beans, (a cheaper & healthier option at the time).

View of one of the ponds, pink Chelsea factory, beach & sea from one of the estate's park areas

We waited for a good day to head out to some local ponds.  The ponds are right next to the coastline in the pink Chelsea sugar factory estate grounds.  Established in the 1880's with classic style houses (prior for some local workers but now rented privately), plenty of manicured garden & natural bush, walking tracks, beachfront and large ponds that are home to several wild species and some waterfowl & carp.  The grounds are open to the public but seeing more than 5 people in the area at a time is busy, (unless it is a shift start/end at the factory), and it is a lovely quiet park were locals can sneak off to eat lunch in peace away from crowds.  In the winding & wide estate there is always a quiet corner.  In this case there is a carpark right next to the pond so all I needed to do was stand and hold onto the car or sit on the hood, which I can maintain for a few minutes (with the trade off with energy later on).

NZ Freshwater Longfin Eel

We noticed the eel population had suffered recently from public interactions when we arrived.  I had heard people had illegally been killing them around the area, completely wiping some creeks out altogether (an action that carries a fine).  Where previously groups of large very curious eels, often decades old, (as some can live to over 100 years), would come up to greet newcomers to the ponds there were only a few small eels very scared and unsure of humans.  Probably a good attitude to have given the recent events.  We got the fish guts & tasty tibits out to feed the few there, hopefully they survive the other humans so they can get to the end of their lifetime to breed at least once before death.

We then got to feed some of the ducks including a very excitable muscovy duck which appeared to respond extremely well being called for oats.  Hubby would call to feed ducky some rye oats and when he ran out I would call to feed him some of mine.  This duck knew the deal and was attentive to our moves and which human had the food.  The other grey ducks hung back and waited for the muscovy to finish.  They probably had their fill from another earlier set of duck feeding public as we had come post the lunchtime, er rush.

See if you can spot all the visible shag nesting perches

I got to take photos of the local pied shag colony. In other countries other subspecies in the family are also known as cormorants.  The colony has around 30 pairs which gather & build a nesting colony in the trees on the other side of the pond to the factory.  They still get their sea views and often will fly out en masse, (even though in general the pied shag normally forages alone), before breaking off around the harbour to feed before coming back the the Chelsea estate to nest in the sheltered spot.  I remember it was so strange seeing them fly into the colony as a group, normally you might only see 1 or 2 out in the wharf & beaches by themselves.  They will be rather quiet compared to other birds but will often be sleeping, drying out after swimming & diving for fish and grooming.  However with a colony this large there is bound to be one or two birds calling, but less of a din than if the whole colony was battling to be heard.

They form monogamous breeding pairs and the colony will build up nests over time on the ground or in trees which they seem to share on a first come first nested basis.  I found a breeding pair which were grooming each other and sleeping together often on many days.  They stand out from the crowd a bit and you can see their back feathers are black their undersides are white, the skin in the front of the eye is yellow, the eye ring is blue and the base of the beak is a pink.  Whereas non breeding juveniles have lighter back feathers, more of a black brownish tone, they have some brown mottling on their undersides and there is more grey around their eyes than distinct colours.

Shags & cormorants have a more well known set of distinct postures.  Especially well known is the posture where shags are seen sitting on poles with their wings outspread to dry in the wind.  But there are also several distinct neck & body moves, (say pre-dive and pre-jump), and you can see the expansion of the head in one of the later photos.

All shagged out ourselves we headed back home to finish off the snapper for the night. Well worth the fishy treat. We were so lucky as it had been a couple years since we last had some at home. Hubby will remember the pesto & crumb recipe for later. Definitely a keeper.

I Like Birds - Eels

I can't look at the rocket launch

The trophy wives of the astronauts

And I won't listen to their words

'Cause I like

Birds

I don't care for walkin' downtown

Crazy auto-car gonna mow me down

Look at all the people like cows in a herd

Well, I like

Birds

If you're small and on a search

I've got a feeder for you to perch on

I can't stand in line at the store

The mean little people are such a bore

But it's alright if you act like a turd

'Cause I like

Birds

If you're small and on a search

I've got a feeder for you to perch on

If you're small and on a search

I've got a feeder for you to perch on

I've got a feeder for you to perch on

If you're small and on a search

I've got a feeder for you to perch on

I've got a feeder for you to perch on

Birthday Spiced Roast Duck, Food Art and the Mind

Past years cooking of the Christmas paella before adding the prawns and chorizo on top

At the moment the brain injury hubby is recovering from has sapped his energy and creative flair.  He loves the creative outlet of cooking and sharing food with loved ones, (his way of giving gifts and koha).  I enjoy helping and do not want to impose on & reduce his creative artistic food directions.  For him it is relaxing and fun to delve into and his past creations have been amazing.  We had a tradition of making a proper paella for Christmas.  In better times I brought hubby a sausage making machine & kitchen mixing machine, named Gerty, which he made amazing creations with.  We had homemade tapenades, chutneys, harrissas, curries, roasts, pate, breads, home made sausages (his first set was chicken, chilli & bacon, and a beef, rosemary & shitake).  Although at the moment there are not many energy points available to do it so even simple food can still be very difficult.  Now the prospect of cooking a meal is now a long process that needs to be broken down to short stages.

The brain injury happened from a set of incredibly bad falls, a massive knock with concrete and the mind changed as if a switch had been thrown.  Near the beginning he would not remember minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, things were blurred with mental, visual and auditory issues.  There was a lot of frustration.  Very slowly his memory has been getting better, his ability to read has come back, some tasks can be completed, the dyslexia dropping, but the fatigue, the complexity and memory of tasks has still been off kilter.  Almost as if you can remember now what you want to do, but forget how to do it or at what stage you are at.  Slowly building the mind back to previous levels has been a journey we are still travelling on.  After a year of recovery there has been significant changes.

We knew the symptoms of traumatic brain injury but the severity surprised us a bit.  He would often have several bad concussions a year but after a couple to a few days would be better.  But this one was bad, for many months I would be a backup memory and helped out a lot with the planning, bills, shopping, transport (as I am the only driver between us), even the cooking when it became too much for him.  I would not like to take away his chance to cook, take away his agency at a thing he feels relaxed at and enjoys, but often it would become mentality tiring & too complex even then.  We understand that having agency is important when you are disabled.  We often leap into what we can still do that much more and value it highly.

Image by Vetalitycorp

Some effects of brain injury we found strange.  He went from a night owl to a morning lark.  For a man of multiple languages with such detail & memory his gaining dyslexia & slurring speech was very frustrating for him.  I have dyslexia but living with it for most my life I have built up the ability to recognise some of mistakes and add in some self correction.  I can appreciate the confusion that comes with it.  After all in your mind you have said or done something, but out loud something else came out of your mouth or hands and you did not hear it being said or read it as it is written.  Likewise when cooking he would think he had done something but in the end would have forgotten and when asked could not remember either way.  Hence when preparing to cook with recipes, cooking times, multiple things to focus on and completing tasks it is still a challenge.  So we would break down to simple things, simple flavours at first.  Then later on move to just adding a couple of steps and tools on top after a couple of months.  It was beans for breakfast for many meals.

It was my Mums birthday recently, she knows how much hubby loves to cook & be creative with food experimentation so she brought a duck for us to roast for her.  He has been practising cooking a few times for dinners but we thought a roast lunch would suit both of our fatigue levels more.  Hubby broke the process down to 3 days of tasks we could both do.  I would be in charge of additional ingredient sourcing, purchasing, getting the veges ready.  We went with orange for the duck, NZ yams otherwise known as oca (on good discount $2 for 500g), earth gems (super small sort of potatoes called ulluco native to the Andes, South America), courgettes/zucchinis, mixed colour purple and white cauliflower for a puree (from a small fruit & vege market also extremely discounted), and thyme from the garden.  I have to admit it took me a couple of weeks to gather ingredients.

NZ Yams otherwise known as oca (not the sweet potatoes called yams in America)

Ulluco or in NZ branded Earth Gems. Photo by Catherine, An Angel in the Kitchen

We would go to Mum's kitchen to do the prep work and cooking, making it easier to pack down after each stage and so we could do the roast in an oven.  For hubby the first day is preparing the brine mix of orange rind and salt, while defrosting the duck.  The next day will be to put the duck in a watery brine mix in a sealy bag, then leave in the fridge overnight.  Afterwards he would prepare the spice rub mix with sumac, smoked paprika, nutmeg, clove, cinnamon, mace, salt and pepper, and a glaze of pomegranate molasses, orange juice, orange rind, brown sugar and a bit of the spice rub.  On the last day it was time to roast.  The yams and earth gems go in a roasting pan, hubby would put the duck on top.  A tricky bit was to lift the skin of the duck breast to rub the spice mix on the meat underneath then rub more spice mix around the outside.  Add a topping of sliced orange.  Into the oven it goes.

Then I would cook the cauliflower and strangely the mix of purple and white cauliflower would make a blueish puree with fresh thyme mixed in.  The courgettes would get fried with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Hubby would come back at regular intervals to check the duck, I would lift it out of the oven for him and he could pour the glaze over the duck.  Back into the oven it goes again.  We prepared some non alcoholic drinks like red bush ice tea, lime juice and soda, and mum brought some wine to share but which in the end she drank herself (we had to abstain and stick to mostly all the drinks we prepared due to the reactions from alcohol).  The plates were out, the table set, some rice crackers and condiments were shared and the roast duck was finally ready.

It was delicious, the orange and spiced flavour was amazing, along with the sweet roasties, sweet fried courgettes and a very nice umami cauliflower puree.  The duck was lovely and meaty.  It was amazing to have after not having meat for so long.  We saved all the bones and scraps for later days of cooking, (a duck bone stock perhaps and orange & spiced duck fat for later roast veges), and with what we roasted there were at least some roasties leftovers too.  It was nice sitting down to lunch with Mum.

 Seeing a friend's band play years ago

Mum wanted to know if I could go out to gigs still.  After dinner I was struggling to stand and holding onto the bench for help while taking the dishes across.  I wanted to objectively think about it.  I was not sure.  I would love to go out.  I would push myself through any pain and given any results just to spend time with family.  But I was struck with a pause that I should be honest with myself, had I really been able to make through an event in the past years?  Could I go to a gig again soon and not end up in pain and passing out from orthostatic issues after little more than an hour or more...  I cannot even make it through a movie at a cinema without fighting issues and lack of consciousness.

At a gig due to the environment personal safety is slightly more at risk and nights out are very expensive, (assaults can be common in certain crowds and there can be nowhere to sit, lie down or have a breathier, not to mention transport at night is an effort and super expensive when not driving).  To be positive I mentioned to mum I did not mind not going out much, even though I would love to go out with friends and family.  I did not mention that it can be isolating being both financially and physically separated away from the people you care about and unable to see them but desperately wanting to.  At this point in time hubbies energy gave out, and so it was time for him to relax his mind and body as part of his recovery.  It was a moment where we both were having difficulty standing.  I would get very faint, have difficulty breathing and my vision would go black, I would slump into a thankfully very solid object, and do breathing exercises resting a bit before continuing.  After cuddles we went back to our flat, and crashed hard.

Two planes flying in sync with each other in Wanaka (a holiday of past years)

It is funny how much ME is like a severe brain injury and for a long time I was hoping to mirror hubbies recovery.  But what is painfully clear is that now he is outstripping me in regaining his skills and the skills we shared.  I am still struggling to do even a simple meal & shopping trip once every fortnight.  Engineering work is an immense gulf away still in the labyrinth that is recovery.  Hubby needs me to drive multiple trips in a week and unfortunately my body is not playing ball.  I will push myself as much as I can, regardless of what may come after.  I try to build back up using similar practices that many with neurological issues face, (even ones hubby himself used for severe brain injury).  I still hope one day I can go back to where I was, to return.  But life is to always move forward and never be trapped in regret.

Yes I often lose ground and the sand castle I am working on will be taken back into the encroaching tide.  We want to have lots of meals with family and friends again.  Even if they are buying the meat.  So no matter if the waves wash away my sand castle I take it in my stride and build up a new one the next day (or a day when I can).  The waves and tide are very much like the issues you face with a chronic illness.  I have to let things go like sand being pulled back into the sea.  You cannot hold it, it is a temporary and changing environment you cannot fix in place.  Some sand castles are better and closer to being finished on certain days and others you may struggle to hold a clump of sand in hands too clumsy & painful to build while a storm whips around you.  While hubby is frustrated with his slow recovery I make sure to let him know that he is noticeably getting better and I am there to help & be with him along the way (even if he is angry due to frustration).  The brain injury was like a switch to night that has the sun coming back around and the dawn coming up.  It is something I cannot say for myself so I tend to over apologize when the storm is raging for things I should be able to do.

View of Mt Rangitoto in Auckland taken from beach

We are on the beach together waiting for the sun to break over the horizon.  It is close now I can see the glow and I hope I have finished a sandcastle too when it does.  

Simplify - Young the Giant

Everything I say only seems to complicate it

Every little fight is just another night wasted

Are we gonna lose? Is it gonna last?

Worry about the future, worry about the past

Think we're gonna break before I get a chance to say this

Don't wanna live without you

Staring in your eyes, everything simplifies

Leave it all behind, everything simplifies

All we need is nothing more when everything simplifies

You and I need nothing more, everything simplifies

Stressing over this, stressing over that, we're falling

Like the whole world is banging on the door I'm calling

Are we gonna lose? Is it gonna last?

Worry about the future, worry about the past

Filter out the noise, focus on my voice and fall in

Staring in your eyes, everything simplifies

Leave it all behind, everything simplifies

All we need is nothing more when everything simplifies

You and I need nothing more, everything simplifies

Why must we complicate

Every breath we take?

Why can't you see we'll be alright?

Nothing disappears

Even the pain we've been through

But all I need is here

Don't wanna live without you

All we need is nothing more when everything simplifies

You and I need nothing more, everything simplifies

A Break In The Clouds

A mist lays across Muriwai running up it's black sand dunes to the fields beyond. 

During a brief moment of clarity & ability we travelled to the west coast North Island black sand surf beach Muriwai.  A lot of beaches can look picturesque but the rocks and waves are dangerous.  Lately more people, new to the area, are taking risks on the beaches, and during a recent fishing accident 2 people lost their lives.  A family had gone out fishing with their kids off the rocks, the father was swept off by a wave and the mother pulled in after him.  There was a recent blessing ceremony from the locals, rescue staff, & iwi by the beach and another from the Buddhist community.  The weather can turn quickly here, the rocks jagged and slippery.  Volunteer lifeguards put out flags for swimmers & junior surfers on good days.  There is still surfing out during high winds, even during mild hurricanes.  But it is not a forgiving area and the locals know this well, including the local gannets.

 

 Life can be both fragile and indomitable.

The gannets nest and ride the winds around the cliffs.  You can see their nesting spots they come back to claim each year, waiting to see if their mates return to join them.  We watched them dive & scan the ocean for fish.  Then they would rest on the waves in a group together before launching to make the journey back up the cliffs to their nesting spot.  It can be rough as the gannets face a lot of risk most the year travelling around NZ and Australia before returning for nesting season.  Especially as recently a lot of sea birds have been dying  from dehydration & starvation due to the warm La Nina weather conditions & changes in fish stock.

In before the spring rush picking a good nest spot & tidying it up is imperative.

We could not stay long.  The recovery from hubbies brain injury is slow so his energy wore down quickly.  But at least he had enough time to eat his hot steak and cheese pie.  Feel & taste the fresh sea air.  While I got to take the photos in this post.  I prepared to drive us back with singing breathing exercises to stay focused & keep my mind off the pain.  I am the sort where I got used to doing maths tests with migraines as a teenager, i.e. stubborn wanting to complete a task, through pain, through nausea and if that includes a physical punishment later I pay the price.  It has been a lot to adjust to with chronic fatigue.  ME is a thousand times worse than any migraine and with continuous effects, gut, allergy, flu symptoms, even multi day migraine symptoms and orthostatic intolerance issues so I have to do regular safety checks and be fully certain of my condition & mental acuity.  If I am too far gone to drive, eyesight affected or hands & terrible fatigue it is a no go.  We have backup plans in place, lots of hydration & rest ahead of any planned trip so I only head out on days where I almost approach normal and only for short trips.  The energy never lasts and the punishment can hit like a goat to the groin.  We travelled back on the busy state highways peppered with wineries, farms, orchards and lots of trucks.  Nice drive but it hit me really hard afterwards, with a couple days of a really bad flare.  I had difficulty sitting & speaking and hand control was affected.  Pain intense.   I think it was worth it.  These moments may be fleeting but they are the light coming through the clouds after the storm.

As if hanging by a thread trying to get home.

Lyrics from "Till The Clouds Clear" - Lamb

What's left to say with all that's come and gone
Words get in the way
And anyway the devil's got your tongue
And the storm brews inside
And there's nowhere to hide
It's gonna blow your cover sky high

If you let this thing go
It's gonna burn, it's gonna burn
You're gonna take the whole world with you when you go

What you gonna do?
When the storm takes over
What you gonna do?
When the storm takes over

So here you are,
demons screaming in your head
You try to shut them out
But they just get louder instead
And nothing you do
can seem to break through this darkness smothering you
when it takes hold your heart turns cold
your very soul sneaks out of you

What you gonna do?
When this storm, this storm takes over you
Can you hold this thing?
Can you hold this thing?

Till the clouds clear